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I’ve been under the covers for about 52 hours. It’s no surprise that, at two in the morning, I’m wide awake. After the business with Hans and Heather I kept on running until I was just about to fall down. Completely exhausted I ended up leaning against a wall in order to remain standing up. Then I saw a big international hotel across the street, and I decided to check in. I stood in the shower for at least an hour before I finally got into the neatly made up bed.

The dreams started almost immediately. Some of them were the most bizarre hallucinations, some were horrible nightmares. I dreamt I kept falling, with great speed, into a bottomless pit. With every fall I realized I was dreaming, but I couldn’t wake up. I think I must have had a fever ‘coss at one point the sheet was clammy of all my sweating. Yuk. I was troubled and just couldn’t stay in bed. When I got up I had to run to the toilet to stop myself from throwing up on the floor. I’ve never been so sick. Still I knew it was a good thing. I had made an important decision and it was as if my body was protesting against it. But I made my decision to never take an upload again. Far too dangerous.

Am I a hero? I don’t feel like one. Maybe Adrian and I really did save Hans and Heather’s lives. But for how long? It’s just possible they were wasted anyway. And what about Adrian, was he able to escape? At least six Japanese guys were chasing him. It’s possible he didn’t make it. I wonder where he is. Is he alive? I have no control over any of this. Maybe I never did, but it seems to be more difficult now, having an influence over what’s going on. Our lives are at stake now. And I don’t know what to do about it. Outside there’s a crossing. The little noises that is so familiar; the shriek bleeps when the stoplight comes on. The Nintendo-like sound when it turns green. A mix of four or five irritating melodies. It’s driving me crazy. Does this have to go on all night?